Seems like an american things really. In France, nobody would expect anyone to buy a certain kind of ring. As long as it's pretty, you can go for anything. Or no engagement ring. Some friends of mine don't even get wedding rings. And I just met a not married couple wearing rings just because they liked it.
Our wedding ceremonies are also usually way cheaper and less show off that the ones your pop culture is selling to you, so I hope you are not actually doing it IRL cause that seems a terrible way to start a long term relationship, money wise.
But I guess we don't have such a marriage culture here anymore. People do marry, but we also now have something called the PACS, which is a very simple legal union with no bells and whistles that is pretty popular. And of course plenty of people living for ever without a label on their relationship.
Given that the diamond ring fad apparently originated from a marketing campaign, it would be interesting to see how well the belief that wedding rings should have a diamond correlates with where the ads were run.
At least in the nordics, I don't think there's a specific type of wedding (EDIT: or engagement) ring that you're expected to have, and I think many people have no stone of any kind embedded in theirs.
In Netherland, stones are rare. A plain gold band is the traditional wedding ring. If engagement rings are a thing at all, they're generally the wedding ring worn on the other hand, I think.
Tattoos are up and coming. My wife and I (both from good Christian homes) have a Moebius strip tattooed on the inside of our wrist, as wedding tattoo. My sister and her husband have a self-designed rune on their ring finger, and a heart-shaped celtic knot on their lower arm as engagement tattoo (and I think these are their only tattoos; they certainly are for my wife and I).
My wife and I did have engagement rings: titatium with gold. I lost mine before the wedding, though. I can't lose my tattoo.
It's the engagement ring that traditionally has a stone, not the wedding band, which is often just a pure metal (in the US), though many have small stones around the ring.
"In Europe, where diamond prices had collapsed during the Depression, there seemed little possibility of restoring public confidence in diamonds. In Germany, Austria, Italy, and Spain, the notion of giving a diamond ring to commemorate an engagement had never taken hold. In England and France, diamonds were still presumed to be jewels for aristocrats rather than the masses. Furthermore, Europe was on the verge of war, and there seemed little possibility of expanding diamond sales. This left the United States as the only real market for De Beers's diamonds. In fact, in 1938 some three quarters of all the cartel's diamonds were sold for engagement rings in the United States. Most of these stones, however, were smaller and of poorer quality than those bought in Europe, and had an average price of $80 apiece. Oppenheimer and the bankers believed that an advertising campaign could persuade Americans to buy more expensive diamonds."
To each his own, but personally, I find large wedding celebrations to be an absolute blast. I went to a 500+ person wedding in Beersheba Israel last year and it was incredible. It was one of the most fun, warm, and endearing events I have ever been too.
I kinda have a weird idea that everyone should just be able to do their own thing without being judged. I certainly don't think they should be demonized as "show off" or "pop culture selling to you".
You can have a big party that doesn't cost a lot. I went to an Algerian and a Malian wedding, with 200+ and days of partying for very cheap (even for the local standard).
What I'm talking about are incredible expense like putting fresh flowers everywhere, renting a some fashionable place, spending thousands on rings, dress, make up artists, haircuts, etc.
You can absolutely have a great venue, look stunning and have fun with 100 people without getting in debt for 5 years. This is not what TV is selling you though.
(french also)
I know a couple who married at the beggining of their fifties, just went to the mayor's office with two witnesses, signed the papers and that was all. They are both litterature teachers for students in their master cycle.
I was a witness for a couple (who I had only met earlier that day) at a Vegas wedding. I would also like to point out that the U.S. is as large as all of Europe combined, and that there are vast cultural differences throughout.
When I was at Berkeley, a colleague did the same. Came into the office one morning, said "[girlfriend of 5 years] and I just decided to get married today, come down to city hall with us at lunch for the party."
They are not unknown but diamonds are "just another expensive stone" here. People do think they got a lot of value though, it's just that the symbolism of buying one is not as strong.
> It's a bit of a stretch to say that only diamond rings are acceptable
"only" is a pretty exclusive word, but I don't think it's a stretch saying that only diamond rings are acceptable in the general case. Especially amongst the reasonably affluent class that you'll find a lot of on HN, not getting a diamond for a spouse would be unusual enough that friends would whisper behind your backs about it.
(And to be clear, I'm of the opinion that this is crazy.)
For every such anecdote, there is seventeen opposing anecdotes where the wife insisted on a diamond ring and/or her friends/family thought the husband was "cheap" for not buying her one.
edit: Looks like I said something unpopular. Whoops!
Just for info, diamonds and expensive marriage parties are the rule in Southern Italy as well. Northern Italy is similar to France, when you actually go to a marriage to enjoy yourself and not just to show your dress.
Our wedding ceremonies are also usually way cheaper and less show off that the ones your pop culture is selling to you, so I hope you are not actually doing it IRL cause that seems a terrible way to start a long term relationship, money wise.
But I guess we don't have such a marriage culture here anymore. People do marry, but we also now have something called the PACS, which is a very simple legal union with no bells and whistles that is pretty popular. And of course plenty of people living for ever without a label on their relationship.