Friendship, as defined in this day and age, is overrated. It's my opinion, for sure. But let me tell you why I feel this way.
As the article mentions, Gen Y's idea of socializing is having lots of "friends" that remain as such because of technological ties, and chatting through IM and photo sharing. The problem with this form of socializing, for me, is that much of it is a result of everyone's ulterior motive to look good and obtain social validation. In all honesty, I haven't proven to be a very likable person, but I hesitate to have people add me as a "friend" on social media because next thing I know they're going to include group photos of me in order to covertly signal "I have so much fun and so many friends! Look at me! Look at me!" Worse yet, they'll feel that much better that I'm going to add reactions to their banal postings, making them feel like everything they have to say is socially approved of.
It's all gross.
By the by, I've learned that I can go very long periods of time without being around friends(I'm talking months) and, well, I don't die. In fact, I'm pretty happy that I can spend time doing what I want without being hounded to go see X movie or hang out at Y place. Those things can be good here and there, but they're not all life is about. Friends also tend to bring drama that brings nothing to my life; most drama is hyperbole and people bring it upon themselves. Those same drama-friends inevitably ask for advice, but not because they actually want help, but because they want you to validate the decision they've already made.
I've had my periods in life where I felt terrible for having few or no friends. There is definitely a downside, especially when you're younger. But the pursuit of friends is a sign that a person is lacking self-esteem, and perhaps confidence in the one or two friends they already have. As I've gotten older, having friends for reasons other than just the simplicity of having someone to shoot the shit with on occasion has fallen by the wayside. Just as I've given up with the futile pursuit of working my ass off for the lie that working hard is a virtue in and of itself, and as I've given up on trying to pursue the illusion of salvation provided by relationships, I just don't even care anymore about maintaining friends or social circles.
Yeah, it'd be one thing if I was literally alone for a very long time. But it would actually take effort to be truly alone, I gather, for most people. No matter where I've been, or how old I am, someone eventually manages to enter my life and become more than just an acquaintance. We can chat it up on a regular basis, and usually have enough familiarity that we know we can count on each other for small things. It just seems to work out that way, and that accounts for most of what I need out of people; I don't need to share every moment of my waking being with them. Some people have got it tough, and I've known some people who have real issues that hinder them in making even basic connections with people. But, for the average person, I think they'd be surprised to still manage to make friends even if they permanently turned off all their devices.
I do have a best friend, and that is something special. We rarely see each other anymore, but that's where confidence comes in. He and I have known each other for long enough that, no matter what, we're always going to be friends. If work gets in the way that means we won't see or even talk to each other for months or years, it's like no time has passed when we do get to meet again. We don't fret about these things because life really does move on whether we are in the same room or not.
As great as that friendship is, I would function very much the same without it. I hope it doesn't hurt my friend to read this if he ever does, although I'm almost positive he would have guessed that of me, and I think he's much the same. I've learned to be content enough with my own being, my own thoughts, that the need for other people has been greatly diminished. I'm sure some of that is simply a function of getting older, having had enough experiences, and having one's hormones become increasingly scant.
Your friends are what you make of them, and I don't think a lot of people's ideas of what makes a friend is worth as much as social media has made it appear. It's really fine to simply accept that friendship can and usually does have a very low bar, thus, if your friendships seem transient, it's just a function of average people socializing with other average people, and gradually meeting better people over time. Being content in your being and valuing yourself means that this question of "Are my friends really my friends?" isn't all that important.
As the article mentions, Gen Y's idea of socializing is having lots of "friends" that remain as such because of technological ties, and chatting through IM and photo sharing. The problem with this form of socializing, for me, is that much of it is a result of everyone's ulterior motive to look good and obtain social validation. In all honesty, I haven't proven to be a very likable person, but I hesitate to have people add me as a "friend" on social media because next thing I know they're going to include group photos of me in order to covertly signal "I have so much fun and so many friends! Look at me! Look at me!" Worse yet, they'll feel that much better that I'm going to add reactions to their banal postings, making them feel like everything they have to say is socially approved of.
It's all gross.
By the by, I've learned that I can go very long periods of time without being around friends(I'm talking months) and, well, I don't die. In fact, I'm pretty happy that I can spend time doing what I want without being hounded to go see X movie or hang out at Y place. Those things can be good here and there, but they're not all life is about. Friends also tend to bring drama that brings nothing to my life; most drama is hyperbole and people bring it upon themselves. Those same drama-friends inevitably ask for advice, but not because they actually want help, but because they want you to validate the decision they've already made.
I've had my periods in life where I felt terrible for having few or no friends. There is definitely a downside, especially when you're younger. But the pursuit of friends is a sign that a person is lacking self-esteem, and perhaps confidence in the one or two friends they already have. As I've gotten older, having friends for reasons other than just the simplicity of having someone to shoot the shit with on occasion has fallen by the wayside. Just as I've given up with the futile pursuit of working my ass off for the lie that working hard is a virtue in and of itself, and as I've given up on trying to pursue the illusion of salvation provided by relationships, I just don't even care anymore about maintaining friends or social circles.
Yeah, it'd be one thing if I was literally alone for a very long time. But it would actually take effort to be truly alone, I gather, for most people. No matter where I've been, or how old I am, someone eventually manages to enter my life and become more than just an acquaintance. We can chat it up on a regular basis, and usually have enough familiarity that we know we can count on each other for small things. It just seems to work out that way, and that accounts for most of what I need out of people; I don't need to share every moment of my waking being with them. Some people have got it tough, and I've known some people who have real issues that hinder them in making even basic connections with people. But, for the average person, I think they'd be surprised to still manage to make friends even if they permanently turned off all their devices.
I do have a best friend, and that is something special. We rarely see each other anymore, but that's where confidence comes in. He and I have known each other for long enough that, no matter what, we're always going to be friends. If work gets in the way that means we won't see or even talk to each other for months or years, it's like no time has passed when we do get to meet again. We don't fret about these things because life really does move on whether we are in the same room or not.
As great as that friendship is, I would function very much the same without it. I hope it doesn't hurt my friend to read this if he ever does, although I'm almost positive he would have guessed that of me, and I think he's much the same. I've learned to be content enough with my own being, my own thoughts, that the need for other people has been greatly diminished. I'm sure some of that is simply a function of getting older, having had enough experiences, and having one's hormones become increasingly scant.
Your friends are what you make of them, and I don't think a lot of people's ideas of what makes a friend is worth as much as social media has made it appear. It's really fine to simply accept that friendship can and usually does have a very low bar, thus, if your friendships seem transient, it's just a function of average people socializing with other average people, and gradually meeting better people over time. Being content in your being and valuing yourself means that this question of "Are my friends really my friends?" isn't all that important.