I'm going to try and reply (rate limit?). (And I won't keep harassing you with more posts). You are right it does affect my feelings to see someone hurting so much. Better that you criticize me - and live. You have had a long, tough run. I am also so sorry to hear about your loss.

Of course after enough trauma and hard knocks - and an impersonal system - you are worn out. I think that is why the poster above suggested basics like sleep and nutrition, if you can get them - not a global solution I know but it does help. (Small lever points).

Situations can change in really weird ways - that no one ever could have predicted - even when it has been tough for years, even when things seem really hopeless.

I'm not in the business of depressing you more, or taxing you emotionally. Your life does matter.